I come from a very large family (over 30 cousins, most of which have children and even a few grandchildren) so I have had kids of varying ages around me my entire life. Therefore, I can say from experience with a degree of certainty that kids can be annoying. I may be alone in this (I doubt it) but I find most kids between the ages of about 10 to 15 to be incredibly annoying. They do a quality job of grating on my nerves! Of course, I do not let them know that they are irritating. I do my very best imitation of someone who is thoroughly interested in every word they say... and they say a LOT.
Kids that age do so much talking it's actually kind of impressive. It is a virtually endless stream of thoughts, ideas, facts, fantasies, tattling, etc. that no one cares about except that child. Some of it may be interesting to another child of the same age but of very little concern to an adult, generally. I never ever let the kid feel like it isn't interesting, however. I give at least the requisite number of "oohs", "aahs", questions and comments so that they feel that I am listening & I am very interested. I think that, even if I don't care one bit about what they are babbling on about, it is important for a child to feel like they are listened to and that what they say is valuable. Of course, very often, kids do say very interesting, thoughtful, funny, genuine things!
Kids also like to show you things that only they care about or think are cool. Well, it isn't always something that isn't cool to anyone else. My step son showed me how this one dude in his iPad game farts & that was pretty hilarious. But, a lot of the time, the "hey, look at this!" or "see what I can do?" is followed by something not at all impressive. But, again, I don't let the kids see that! Their interests & abilities need to be validated & appreciated. Even if they try & fail at something they want you to see, it is still vital that you let them know that it is so cool that they tried & they should try again! What if, say, a little girl tried to do a cartwheel & an adult laughed when she fell? How horrible, right? But if that adult were to say "wow! you almost got it! that's so great, want to try again?", the child would feel good about the effort & hopefully want to keep trying. I may not truly care whether or not a kid gets to the next level of whatever video game they are playing but I'll sure as hell give them encouragement!
Honestly, I have heard the Kid's mother do this. I have heard her give a few nuggets of positive reinforcement. When Kid was super excited that he'd lost 20 pounds (in just the first month he was here!) she did give him some genuine words of praise. I honestly hope that this wasn't a rare occurrence. I hope she does that a LOT.
I have never felt particularly maternal. I was never one of those little girls who played house & dreamed about having children. I did ponder the idea of children for a long time & thought "maybe someday..." but a few years ago, I finally came to the realization and said, out loud, that I don't want kids. I love other people's kids! I like hanging around my family & all the little ones. Generally, kids think I'm pretty cool, too. But, I don't feel any desire at all to be pregnant or to have a little life in my care. But, I've picked up enough along the way to know that even though kids can aggravate the crap out of me, I can't let them know it.
What I've learned from having a 13 year old in my home for over a month is that I actually do have patience. I always thought I was an impatient person. I can't stand waiting for things! But, I've realized that's just it... I'm impatient with things. I don't like to wait. But, I am incredibly patient with people. I can deal with babbling nonsense, looking at things that aren't interesting, overlook occasional rudeness, etc. I realized that I do the same thing with adult people. I'm actually quite patient with coworkers who may or may not deserve that patience!
It is pretty cool to discover that patience IS a virtue I possess in some degree. I also didn't expect to learn something new about myself.
Kids that age do so much talking it's actually kind of impressive. It is a virtually endless stream of thoughts, ideas, facts, fantasies, tattling, etc. that no one cares about except that child. Some of it may be interesting to another child of the same age but of very little concern to an adult, generally. I never ever let the kid feel like it isn't interesting, however. I give at least the requisite number of "oohs", "aahs", questions and comments so that they feel that I am listening & I am very interested. I think that, even if I don't care one bit about what they are babbling on about, it is important for a child to feel like they are listened to and that what they say is valuable. Of course, very often, kids do say very interesting, thoughtful, funny, genuine things!
Kids also like to show you things that only they care about or think are cool. Well, it isn't always something that isn't cool to anyone else. My step son showed me how this one dude in his iPad game farts & that was pretty hilarious. But, a lot of the time, the "hey, look at this!" or "see what I can do?" is followed by something not at all impressive. But, again, I don't let the kids see that! Their interests & abilities need to be validated & appreciated. Even if they try & fail at something they want you to see, it is still vital that you let them know that it is so cool that they tried & they should try again! What if, say, a little girl tried to do a cartwheel & an adult laughed when she fell? How horrible, right? But if that adult were to say "wow! you almost got it! that's so great, want to try again?", the child would feel good about the effort & hopefully want to keep trying. I may not truly care whether or not a kid gets to the next level of whatever video game they are playing but I'll sure as hell give them encouragement!
Honestly, I have heard the Kid's mother do this. I have heard her give a few nuggets of positive reinforcement. When Kid was super excited that he'd lost 20 pounds (in just the first month he was here!) she did give him some genuine words of praise. I honestly hope that this wasn't a rare occurrence. I hope she does that a LOT.
I have never felt particularly maternal. I was never one of those little girls who played house & dreamed about having children. I did ponder the idea of children for a long time & thought "maybe someday..." but a few years ago, I finally came to the realization and said, out loud, that I don't want kids. I love other people's kids! I like hanging around my family & all the little ones. Generally, kids think I'm pretty cool, too. But, I don't feel any desire at all to be pregnant or to have a little life in my care. But, I've picked up enough along the way to know that even though kids can aggravate the crap out of me, I can't let them know it.
What I've learned from having a 13 year old in my home for over a month is that I actually do have patience. I always thought I was an impatient person. I can't stand waiting for things! But, I've realized that's just it... I'm impatient with things. I don't like to wait. But, I am incredibly patient with people. I can deal with babbling nonsense, looking at things that aren't interesting, overlook occasional rudeness, etc. I realized that I do the same thing with adult people. I'm actually quite patient with coworkers who may or may not deserve that patience!
It is pretty cool to discover that patience IS a virtue I possess in some degree. I also didn't expect to learn something new about myself.
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