Yesterday, you demonstrated (again) that you don't seem to understand the concept of punishment: what it is, how it works & how it benefits a child. So, let's start by going over the particular event in question as it actually happened in real life.
Kid didn't finish his chicken at dinner, was told he had to finish it before he had any other food. Moments later, Kid comes out & says he finished the chicken. Husband asks "what did you do with the bones?" (valid question with pets in the house) and Kid, eyes downcast, doesn't answer. Husband asks "did you really finish the chicken?" and Kid admits that he lied. Kid lied, lying is wrong, he was then punished for lying (not for not finishing his dinner. Although, I remember being made to sit at the dinner table until my plate was clean more than once as a child. Many good parents have done this to many good kids over many good years, and still do! Starving kids in Africa & all that... but, I digress).
While Kid has been here, punishments have been his iPad removed from WiFi (i.e. without internet for a period of time), sent to bed, a few basic "time-outs" (nose to the wall for a few minutes) and given "stairs". What "stairs" means is that Kid is given a number of times (usually 5, not an excessive amount) to walk (not "run". Trust me, he goes as slowly as he can!) up & down the stairs to our second floor condo. This is the punishment he was given last night. He had to walk up & down the stairs five times. That's it.
Kid didn't finish his chicken at dinner, was told he had to finish it before he had any other food. Moments later, Kid comes out & says he finished the chicken. Husband asks "what did you do with the bones?" (valid question with pets in the house) and Kid, eyes downcast, doesn't answer. Husband asks "did you really finish the chicken?" and Kid admits that he lied. Kid lied, lying is wrong, he was then punished for lying (not for not finishing his dinner. Although, I remember being made to sit at the dinner table until my plate was clean more than once as a child. Many good parents have done this to many good kids over many good years, and still do! Starving kids in Africa & all that... but, I digress).
While Kid has been here, punishments have been his iPad removed from WiFi (i.e. without internet for a period of time), sent to bed, a few basic "time-outs" (nose to the wall for a few minutes) and given "stairs". What "stairs" means is that Kid is given a number of times (usually 5, not an excessive amount) to walk (not "run". Trust me, he goes as slowly as he can!) up & down the stairs to our second floor condo. This is the punishment he was given last night. He had to walk up & down the stairs five times. That's it.
After this particular event & punishment happened, you texted my Husband. Among your rambling mass of texts, you claimed that you "filed a child abuse report" because of this. I'm going to ignore all the other weirdness of that & just focus on one word. Clearly, you are also confused about the word "abuse". Let's go to the dictionary (I love merriamwebster.com, can you tell?).
Definition of ABUSE
1: a corrupt practice or custom
2: improper or excessive use or treatment
3 obsolete : a deceitful act
4: language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily
5: physical maltreatment
I think anyone would agree that a child walking up & down stairs, at his own snail's pace, no more than 5 times, is not corrupt, improper, excessive or maltreatment. It is physical, which actually helps the Kid's desire to lose weight, but it is certainly not "abuse". Kids being punched, kicked, starved, locked in closets, etc... THAT is abuse. Your child is not being abused.
What it is is a consequence (you can look that one up for yourself) for his actions. That's what punishment is: a consequence for an action. By using punishment, children learn that their are repercussions for what they do & say. In the same way, Kid has learned that the good consequence of getting a little money comes from his action of agreeing to walk our neighbors' dog when she asked him. He also now loves helping his Dad build stuff because he knows the consequence is that he gets to use fun power tools. It goes both ways.
Kids do not magically know that "lying is wrong, I shouldn't do that" or "I was told not to touch that, I shouldn't touch it anymore" or "if I help with this then I get to do that fun thing". They need to be taught these things. As a mother, it is part of your job to teach your child these things. He has learned while he has been with us but his behavior will not change (which is ostensibly why you sent him here) if you do not stick with it. Consequences, good and bad, teach children SO many things and can be something as simple as taking the internet away for a bit or, god forbid, walking some stairs.
If you think that walking stairs is "abuse", I really wonder what YOU do to punish or correct the Kid. Anything?
I think anyone would agree that a child walking up & down stairs, at his own snail's pace, no more than 5 times, is not corrupt, improper, excessive or maltreatment. It is physical, which actually helps the Kid's desire to lose weight, but it is certainly not "abuse". Kids being punched, kicked, starved, locked in closets, etc... THAT is abuse. Your child is not being abused.
What it is is a consequence (you can look that one up for yourself) for his actions. That's what punishment is: a consequence for an action. By using punishment, children learn that their are repercussions for what they do & say. In the same way, Kid has learned that the good consequence of getting a little money comes from his action of agreeing to walk our neighbors' dog when she asked him. He also now loves helping his Dad build stuff because he knows the consequence is that he gets to use fun power tools. It goes both ways.
Kids do not magically know that "lying is wrong, I shouldn't do that" or "I was told not to touch that, I shouldn't touch it anymore" or "if I help with this then I get to do that fun thing". They need to be taught these things. As a mother, it is part of your job to teach your child these things. He has learned while he has been with us but his behavior will not change (which is ostensibly why you sent him here) if you do not stick with it. Consequences, good and bad, teach children SO many things and can be something as simple as taking the internet away for a bit or, god forbid, walking some stairs.
If you think that walking stairs is "abuse", I really wonder what YOU do to punish or correct the Kid. Anything?
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