Husband is leaving to take Kid back to the Mom tomorrow. I can't believe almost 2 months has flown by! I'm sure I'll have many more thoughts about the visit as time passes & I look back on it.
As I said before, I was totally scared of the Kid before he came. I'd heard so many times about him having "meltdowns" and "tantrums". Well, he didn't have a single one in the last two months. Not one. I asked Husband if any happened with just him & Kid & he confirmed zero. I think it is pretty clear that the "meltdowns" have at least something to do with the Mom. She makes it sound like it is a daily occurrence with her & then not a single one for 2 months with us? Hmm...
I had been planning to talk to Kid about his behavior at school. He told me (without prompting & with no embarrassment at all) that he's been expelled from every school he's been in. He also said that he purposely got expelled from the last one. I wanted to know why he had violent tantrums & apparently "destroyed" a room at the last school. What purpose did this serve? Didn't he see that it only got him in trouble? I honestly didn't understand how he couldn't see that just doing what he's told is easier. So, last night I took the opportunity to talk to the Kid about it. I just hoped that maybe a new person (Husband says he responds better to me, too) saying things in a different way could sink in.
What the Kid told me was very surprising. Now, I don't know if I can 100% believe every word of what he said (kids exaggerate sometimes, ya know?) but, if even half of what he said is true, it sounds pretty bad. I really just wanted to express that temper tantrums don't solve anything & he'll never finish school if he keeps getting expelled & maybe find something to say that might make a difference. What I heard is that at his most recent school, which he attended for three years, he was violently attacked by other students, restrained by staff and locked in a windowless room by staff on many occasions.
I understand that in alternative school settings for students with behavioral issues, restraining & isolating is something that occasionally needs to be done. It's sad & I hate that its true but I know it happens. Kid said that the reason he destroyed a room is because he was finally fed up with the school and couldn't take it anymore. He said that on one occasion, several other students had him pinned to the ground & were punching him before staff came in. I asked the Kid if he talked to the principal, he said yes & that she didn't do anything. I doubt she didn't do anything but obviously whatever she did do wasn't enough.
The part that broke my heart was when I asked the Kid if he told his Mom about it. He said that yes, on many occasions, he told his mom & even threatened suicide once in her presence & Mom didn't do anything about the school situation. I don't know if she actually did anything or not. I would hope that she would talk to the teacher, principal, somebody about what was actually going on. But it was just so sad to see the Kid talk about it because I could tell that he felt let down by his own Mother. He felt like she didn't do anything to help him.
As I've said, I don't know how much of what the Kid said is true. I don't know what the school staff or his Mom actually did. But, looking in the Kid's eyes, I could tell he's hurting. He even talked about how at one school he was given extra books to take home & he liked that because he "felt like a real person". In his last school, he was made to not feel like a real person!
He seems really excited about the school he'll be starting next week (I looked it up online & it seems like a great place!). He couldn't stop talking about how cool the library is! So we talked about how it doesn't make sense to have tantrums, getting mad doesn't help, he needs to finish school if he wants to do all the cool things he talks about for his future and he promised me that he would try really hard to make this school work. I hope SO much that he can do that. I want this Kid to succeed! He can be so sweet & loving & helpful and he's smart & funny & can be a hard worker if motivated. I hope what I said makes a difference, even if it is a teensy tiny one.
I know he can be successful if he can get over some hurdles. It really sucks that one of the biggest hurdles is his own Mom.
As I said before, I was totally scared of the Kid before he came. I'd heard so many times about him having "meltdowns" and "tantrums". Well, he didn't have a single one in the last two months. Not one. I asked Husband if any happened with just him & Kid & he confirmed zero. I think it is pretty clear that the "meltdowns" have at least something to do with the Mom. She makes it sound like it is a daily occurrence with her & then not a single one for 2 months with us? Hmm...
I had been planning to talk to Kid about his behavior at school. He told me (without prompting & with no embarrassment at all) that he's been expelled from every school he's been in. He also said that he purposely got expelled from the last one. I wanted to know why he had violent tantrums & apparently "destroyed" a room at the last school. What purpose did this serve? Didn't he see that it only got him in trouble? I honestly didn't understand how he couldn't see that just doing what he's told is easier. So, last night I took the opportunity to talk to the Kid about it. I just hoped that maybe a new person (Husband says he responds better to me, too) saying things in a different way could sink in.
What the Kid told me was very surprising. Now, I don't know if I can 100% believe every word of what he said (kids exaggerate sometimes, ya know?) but, if even half of what he said is true, it sounds pretty bad. I really just wanted to express that temper tantrums don't solve anything & he'll never finish school if he keeps getting expelled & maybe find something to say that might make a difference. What I heard is that at his most recent school, which he attended for three years, he was violently attacked by other students, restrained by staff and locked in a windowless room by staff on many occasions.
I understand that in alternative school settings for students with behavioral issues, restraining & isolating is something that occasionally needs to be done. It's sad & I hate that its true but I know it happens. Kid said that the reason he destroyed a room is because he was finally fed up with the school and couldn't take it anymore. He said that on one occasion, several other students had him pinned to the ground & were punching him before staff came in. I asked the Kid if he talked to the principal, he said yes & that she didn't do anything. I doubt she didn't do anything but obviously whatever she did do wasn't enough.
The part that broke my heart was when I asked the Kid if he told his Mom about it. He said that yes, on many occasions, he told his mom & even threatened suicide once in her presence & Mom didn't do anything about the school situation. I don't know if she actually did anything or not. I would hope that she would talk to the teacher, principal, somebody about what was actually going on. But it was just so sad to see the Kid talk about it because I could tell that he felt let down by his own Mother. He felt like she didn't do anything to help him.
As I've said, I don't know how much of what the Kid said is true. I don't know what the school staff or his Mom actually did. But, looking in the Kid's eyes, I could tell he's hurting. He even talked about how at one school he was given extra books to take home & he liked that because he "felt like a real person". In his last school, he was made to not feel like a real person!
He seems really excited about the school he'll be starting next week (I looked it up online & it seems like a great place!). He couldn't stop talking about how cool the library is! So we talked about how it doesn't make sense to have tantrums, getting mad doesn't help, he needs to finish school if he wants to do all the cool things he talks about for his future and he promised me that he would try really hard to make this school work. I hope SO much that he can do that. I want this Kid to succeed! He can be so sweet & loving & helpful and he's smart & funny & can be a hard worker if motivated. I hope what I said makes a difference, even if it is a teensy tiny one.
I know he can be successful if he can get over some hurdles. It really sucks that one of the biggest hurdles is his own Mom.
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